If WW2 was a bar room brawl

If WW2 Was a Bar Room Brawl
by Phil Broeders

IF WW2 WAS A BAR ROOM BRAWL

Germany (G): "I need a bit of space in this bar - anyone got a problem with that?"
France (Fr): "Non!"
Britain (Br): "Nope!"
Russia (R) : "Nyet".
Poland (Pl): "Wait...what?!"
Austria : "Germany, me old mate! Lets be pals!"
Italy (It): "Same for me - can we be mates?!"
Czechoslovakia : "Errrrr....hold on..."

Germany headbutts Czechoslavakia then kicks him in the nuts for good measure.

Poland : "WTF! Isn't anyone going to do anything about poor old Czechoslovakia"

The rest of the bar look into their beer glasses

G : "Did you say something, Poland?"
Poland : "You wouldn't try anything with Russia standing next to me!"
R : "Did you say something, Poland?"
Br : "I say, leave plucky Poland alone or I'll come over there and give you a damn good thrashing!"
Fr : "Oui! Me also!"
Sweden and Switzerland "This is nothing to do with us!"

Germany sucker punches Poland - then Russia kicks him while he's down then turns round to look at Finland.

R : "What are you looking at?"
Finland : "Eh? What?"

Russia swings at Finland and misses. Finland gives Russia a bloody nose.

Br : "You beasts! Look what you did to Poland!"
G : "What did you call me? Just for that I'm going to smack Norway!"
Norway : "Eh? What? I didn't do anything!"

Germany kicks Norway in the knackers. Britain stumbles across the bar, tries to hit Germany but falls over.

Br: "Aaargh! France, do us a favour and duff Germany in!"
Fr : "I am right behind you, mon ami! Take THIS, Germany!"

France continues to sit on his bar stool making rude faces at Germany. Germany goes over to France, (knocking Belgium and Holland over in the process), hits him when France has a sup of his red wine(as Britain tugs ineffectually at Germany's trouser leg) and knocks him to the floor.

Fr : "Zut alors! I give in. Please don't hit me again!"
Br : "Good grief!"

Italy : "Let me help you, my friend"

Italy kicks France a couple of times while he's on the floor.

Britain climbs behind the bar and throws the odd pint glass in Germany's direction.

Br : "Yeah - come and get me, big man!"

Italy : "Don't worry Germany. I'll get him!"

Britain slaps Italy around the chops.

Italy (punch drunk) : "You want some as well?"
Greece : "Pardon?"

Italy tries to punch Greece but gets beaten up instead.

G : "For goodness sake, Italy!"

Germany pummels Greece then cuffs Britain round the head. Then America enters the bar.

Am : "None of this is any of my business. But would you like to buy an old baseball bat?"
Br : "Yes please!"
R : "Please don't get involved, America!"

Germany hits Russia round the head with a bar stool.

R : "Please get involved, America!"
Eastern Europe : "Yeah - stick it to the b______!"
G : "Give us a hand then!"
Eastern Europe : "Well, you see..."




Japan : You fat git America! I'm gonna get ya!
Am : "Don't make me...OOOOF!"

Japan takes the knuckleduster off his fist and hides behind a hastily built barricade of tables and chairs.

Jp :"Give it up, you'll never get me"

America lobs a couple of Johnnie Walker glass ashtrays that bounce off Japan's nut. Britain comes from around the bar swinging his baseball bat and joins America in trying to land some punches on Germany.

G: "Yeah America! Come at me, bro!"
It : "Me too"

Russia gets off the carpet and swings a snooker cue into Germany's nether regions.

G: "Mein Gott! Mein knackers!"
R : OK guys, he's reeling. Lets get him!
Br and Am : "All in good time, matey - give us a moment or four".

They instead both start kicking lumps out of Italy

It : "Mamma Mia! Helpa me, Germany!"
G : "Again! Gott in Himmell!"

Germany wades into Britain and America while trying to fend off Russia with a bar stool.

Eastern Europe : "Yeah, stick it to the b______!
R : "Hold on, weren't you on his side?"
Eastern Europe "Us? Ha! You funny!"

It : "Ok - enough. I'ma on your side now!"
G: "You sneaky f___!.

Britain and America leave Italy twitching in the dust and start trading blows with Germany as Russia starts hitting him over the head with a lump hammer. France regains conciousness and starts prodding Germany in the butt with a blunt pencil.

G : "Holy crap! Someone help! Hey - Japan, help me out!"
Jp : "I've got my own problems pal".
Am : "Quiet you!"

Another ashtray bounces off Japan's nut, then America and Russia continue to give Germany a good thrashing - with Britain wading in with the odd boot.

G : "Ok - enough! I give in".
Br : "Thank goodness that's over - I'm knackered"
Am : "You still owe me for that baseball bat"

R: "We should tear you in two! But now I'm going to teach those sneaky East Europeans a lesson"

Russia heads over to the East Europeans, rolling his sleeves up in the process.

Am : "Sorry about that Germany. I'm sure we can be friends. But first...."
Jp : "Oh crap...."

America climbs over the barricade and pummels away at Japan.

Jp : "Is that the best you got?"
Am : "Well, now you mention it..."

America pulls a metal bar out and connects it with Japan's head.

Jp : "Ow! What the f___ was THAT!"
Am : "Let me show you again..."
Jp : "OW! OK - I'm sorry! I'll never do it again.

Am : "Make sure you don't....anyone else wants trouble, you know where I am!"

Korea : "OK big guy"
Vietnam : "I hear you!"
China : "Keep talking big man"